good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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