I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Text me some of your sweat
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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