If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
