Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
