I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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