I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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