After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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