Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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