I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
