Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
