I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
