Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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