It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
