I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
