Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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