You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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