It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
