Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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