i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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