My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
