my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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