i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
