She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
