my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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