Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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