we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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