you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
