i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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