Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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