K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize