Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
