this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
