I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize