your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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