I cannot find my penis.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
