end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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