As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
