OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Damn victory sex feels great
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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