Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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