Who wears a wallet chain?!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize