i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
