Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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