Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
