Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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