hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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