did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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