you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
