who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
