I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
