went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
