420 ftw
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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