Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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