Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize