Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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