That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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