I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
