clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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