Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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