i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
