The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
