Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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