Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
did i walk over a car last night?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
