Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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