how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Drunk is not a location!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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