Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
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