My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
