I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
