my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Randomize
