how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
