Will you blow on my dice?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
