i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
as a side note pls kill me
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
