I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
