i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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