I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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