Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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