yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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