He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
