Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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