I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We don't watch enough power rangers
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i think my cat just said my name.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
All the doctor said was why
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
