I love black thongs
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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