Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
