I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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