Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
