I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
