anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I can't put those talents on a resume
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
