I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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