I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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