sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My bed smells like the plague
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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