no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
